Mediation can be a great way to deal with a family law dispute. It’s typically cheaper, faster, and less adversarial than going to court. But mediation can fail, and the question is how to prevent that failure. The two best things you can do to ensure the success of your mediation are to work with an experienced Charleston, SC mediation attorney and to properly prepare for your mediation sessions.
Mediation is usually mandatory for family law disputes, and especially if they involve divorce, child custody, child support, or property division. Everyone involved in the mediation should familiarize themselves with the requirements of the family court system, which a lawyer can help you understand. In most cases, you’ll be required to participate in at least three hours of mediation unless you reach an agreement in less than three hours. Knowing this can help you adjust your expectations for the amount of commitment that’s involved.
It’s also important to understand that everyone involved is required to attend the conference physically, unless the mediator and all parties agree to a different arrangement or if the Chief Judge for Administrative Purposes of the circuit court directs differently. The parties required to attend include, of course, the mediator themselves, all individual parties being represented, and their lawyers.
Next, it’s important to be aware that the mediator may require everyone to provide a written memorandum about each issue that needs to be resolved. A memorandum will be typically five pages long and should clearly state your position on each issue. It’s usually best to have your lawyer help you write this out. The mediator may also suggest that you all agree to exchange your memoranda so everyone comes prepared and understanding what the other party wants. All parties are expected to cooperate with the mediator and keep all communications confidential. Finally, once you’ve reached an agreement, that agreement has to be put into writing and signed by all parties and their attorneys. This is then filed with the circuit court.
Once you’re ready to formally prepare, you’ll start by getting together all the financial documents necessary to the case. It’s important that you be able to make good decisions about issues like alimony, child support, and property division, for example, and this means both parties must be completely transparent. What exactly you need will be determined by your precise situation, and your lawyer can tell you more.
However it’s common to need a number of recent bank statements, your tax returns for the last several years, several months worth of pay stubs, summaries of all your bank accounts, and information about who owns property such as real estate or cars. You’ll also need to provide proof of all debts, so you’ll need mortgage statements, credit card bills, and any loan documents. If you have a business or an investment account, you may need brokerage statements, valuation appraisals, and profit-loss reports. Mediation will only go well if everyone, including the mediator, is completely clear about the finances involved.
The best way to organize this information is to gather it up, lay it out chronologically, and then make copies for all parties involved. This will save time in the session itself and also demonstrate good faith.
You’ll next want to have a firm grasp of exactly what your goals are and what to prioritize along the way to reaching those goals. This is where having a lawyer is especially helpful, as your lawyer can explain to you what the laws are, what your options are, what outcomes people in situations similar to you have achieved, and help you keep focused on the most important issues.
It’s usually best to make a list of goals in order of importance. You should rank your goals from things that you consider non-negotiable to areas where you can be more flexible. Make sure these things are specific. For example, if you want to ask for alimony, you need to come up with not only an amount to request (or at least a range of amounts) but also an idea of how long you want alimony to last.
Preparing emotionally is a vital step. Even in mediation, a family dispute can still be a highly stressful situation. If you go into it without emotional preparation, you may find it difficult to hold a rational dialogue. Remember that if you’re dealing with a family member, it’s likely they know exactly how to push your buttons. If they want the mediation to fail, or they want to force you to concede, they will certainly push those buttons.
Understanding all this as you go in can help you stay calm and remain the “bigger person,” which can only improve your position. Deliberately take time to process your anger, grief, or anxiety before the meeting happens. Then, set out how you intend to approach the situation. Some intentions you might lay out would include a determination to listen actively and respond thoughtfully. It might also be helpful to talk through past conflict with your lawyer, as the two of you may be able to identify what triggers tend to set you off. If the other party tries to pull these triggers, your lawyer can then request a break to help you stay engaged and calm.
If there are already court orders in place, of any type, make sure you’re very familiar with all of them. This means examining any petitions that you or the other party have filed, all temporary orders that the court may have laid down, and reviewing responses to discovery.
What do you want to do here is to make sure you understand all the established facts and avoid making any contradictions that could undermine your credibility. You also want to be able to make suggestions and proposals that won’t be in conflict with any judicial directives that have already been made. Reviewing all this will also highlight what matters remain unresolved so you can focus your agenda for the meeting.
It may already be obvious to you that mediation requires compromise. But what may not be so obvious is that you can think through these compromises before you reach the mediation session. Instead of waiting to hear what the other party says and then coming up with a compromise in the moment, brainstorm some alternative solutions to your ideal outcome.
It’s also important to identify what things you might be willing to trade. For example, if you have made a list of assets that you want to keep as the marital estate is divided, you should rank those assets by how much you value them. Deliberately line out, only for yourself and your lawyer, which assets you would be willing to trade for something else. You don’t want to announce this right from the beginning, but you do want to hold it in your pocket as a possibility for making a compromise in the moment.
To get help from an experienced mediation lawyer, set up a consultation with us now at the Ballinger Law Firm in Charleston, SC. We proudly serve Mt Pleasant & all throughout South Carolina. Visit our law office at:
Ballinger Law Firm – Mt Pleasant
858 W Lowcountry Blvd,
Mt Pleasant, SC 29464, United States
Phone: (843) 412 9507
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